boooooo..........

no pity post here.. just a much needed place to clear my head... thats how this mamabear is feeling at the moment... have you ever walked into a room in your house and that room is worse then the room you just left??? thats how i feel at the moment. since i'm off for school vacation i wanted to do so many things.. i AM happy to report im feeling very accomplished today though -- cleaned both bathrooms.. cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed all the floors, went through jacksons clothes that are too small and stopped in babiesrus for some Earth's Best baby food and hit trader joe's (LOVE that freakin store!) .. thats all with a teething baby.. good times! those of you with kids know that just one of those is a feat with a 10.5 month old!!!! .... but there is still so much more i want to do and every time i turn around i feel like theres a new project waiting to be done!!! none of these are like 10 minute things either.. they are all an afternoon worth.. i think the most sufficating feeling right now is all this clutter. there seems to be clutter everywhere in this place all of a sudden... photography clutter (backdrops, blankets, props, baskets etc.) my desk is hidden under god knows what, laundry to be put away in jacksons room and our room, bills to be filed, pantry to be organized, closets to go through but the problem is THERE IS NO ROOM TO MOVE ANY OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!! I wish we had more room at the moment so at least it would be ORGANIZED -- i need to be on one of those shows that oprah does where they come and totally reorganize your stuff! Its not that theres stuff everywhere, its just that i feel like everything should have its place and at the moment the 'places' are all taken...

aside from wanting to reorganize the entire place - i want to be with my little bear so i feel like i cant do any of it while he is awake so as soon as he falls asleep is time for mommy to rush around like a mad woman trying to get as much as i can finished.. i have done some things while he is awake - like go through his clothes that are too small while he plays in his room with me, but since we are in teething HELL the sad little bear crawls over to me, climbs up my legs, crying to be picked up because he doesnt feel well.. so of course i drop everything else and snuggle with my jacksonbear to try and comfort the pain he is in.. so the whole clothes thing took forever - but its done ;) check.

i just sat here eating my cherrios and banana for dinner because i didnt have the energy to cook (that and i love cereal! haha) and although i could be spending this time tackling one of the tasks id like to do, i needed to just clear my head ... so i took over the blog! a dear friend asked me a question tonight that made me stop and think ... she asked 'what are you going for mommy of the year!?!'... especially while daddy is working, i have to remember i can only do all i can do in a day and what doesnt get finished today will still be there tomorrow.. its just frustrating because i know all these things i want to do but a tiny amount of time... am i crazy or do other moms feel like this?? i TOTALLY give all you single moms SO much credit. I know at least daddy will be home soon and i can catch a break to get some stuff done.. (although there really is no such break from mommy-brain! but at least he can play with jackson while i do stuff in the other room -- the idea of NEVER having that break - breaks my heart for all of you... talk about stressful.....) i guess its just a bit overwhelming to try and do it all and keep up with the house and work on my photography and give jackson all the attention he needs and ... and... and... and.. hahahaha....



blah. alright - off to do something.. thanks for letting me vent.

mamabear